wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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