i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
