You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
