Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
