I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
