dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
