This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
...so i touched it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
