Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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