i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
