Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
