She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
