dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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