You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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