Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
