you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
