Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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