Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
