I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
