Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
