Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
