I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
