do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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