If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
