wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
