There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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