Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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