If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
