if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
