dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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