just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
