I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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