I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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