Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
