Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
