Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Watching her eat just hurts me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
