you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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