Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
