Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Enjoy the penises
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
