note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
