I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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