She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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