This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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