If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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