dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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