and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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