you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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