i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
