her vagine was all disorganized.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
