i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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