I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
please come you make the beer taste better
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
