some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
