I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
