After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
