i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
