You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
