I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
