Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
