id be glad to
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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