five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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