his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
false alarm, still single
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize