Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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