Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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