you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
