i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize