everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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