the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so explain again why im purple
no
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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